How Do I Show Myself?
Like most people, I desire to be liked by everyone. I want to be seen as charming, caring, warm, honest, and humorous. However, I have never had to think about what my goals are in my self presentation, nor have I been forced to observe my self disclosure strategies. So writing this paper has been somewhat of a challenge.
Although I want to be viewed in a positive light by all different people, I present myself in different ways depending on the audience and situation, all the while being conscious of appearing genuine and not fake. Sometimes this can be a difficult challenge, but I have found that it is not difficult when I simply use my presentational goals according to my audience.
Many of my presentational goals are the same regardless of whom my audience consists of. I want to be seen as passionate, morally strong, confident, attractive, outgoing, ambitious, accepting, nonjudgmental, and friendly. For example, everyday I spend about 10 minutes on my makeup and about 20 minutes drying and straightening my hair. The reason for this is so that people will find me attractive, or at least not finds me as unattractive. I use ingratiation most often in my self presentation. I also use exemplification when I treat others as I wish to be treated and try to be an example to everyone around me.
When I am around my boss or my teacher I am quiet in efforts to show that I am respectful. If I am meeting my parents’ friends for the first time one of my goals is to be seen as mature, polite, and responsible. My goal is to appear in such a way that I would neither embarrass myself nor my parents; I want to impress the person to whom I am speaking.
My self presentation goals are quite different when I am with my friends. I want my friends to see me as someone they can depend on to listen to them when they need to talk, have fun with, and someone they look forward to being with. My goals when I am with my friends are relational rather than instrumental as they might be when I am introduced to my parents’ friends. With my friends I am simply trying to create or sustain a connection.
When I am around strangers I want to be seen as polite, courteous, and outgoing. Last night I was at Denny’s writing this paper; around 1:00 or so I gathered my belongings and prepared to leave. Two gentlemen sitting in a booth next to me wearing t-shirts and oversized cowboy hats asked me if I was leaving already. I smiled and said that I was because it was late and I was tired. They asked me what I was working on, my major and conversational questions of this sort. I stood there and talked to them for a minute or two, and then they said that they noticed me and thought that I was very pretty. I smiled, said thank you, and said goodbye. Many people would probably brush off the complement and ignore the two men, but I wanted to talk to them. Our conversation was not very long, nor did we enclose details about ourselves, we did not even introduce ourselves properly, but it was a simple encounter where I was able to share some of my time and attention towards someone else.
Now that I have shared my self presentational goals, I will share the strategies I use when disclosing information about me. I will discuss my approach to honesty, valiance, and amount of disclosure.
My approach to honesty is tactical and thoughtful. I am a very honest person, I hardly ever lie, and I don’t like liars. I am also very compassionate and very much so a mediator. I want the truth to come out while also being conscious of offending someone. My passion is something which has to be restrained sometimes so that I will not offend anyone. A few weeks ago a guy that I was dating and I were hanging out and he said the “n” word. This word is something I am so offended by. No, it is not directed to me personally, but I am offended by what it has done. The first time he said it I said, “Ugh, I hate that word,” in a very passive tone. A few nights later he said it again and I responded, “Paul, I told you that I don’t like that word.” He and I got into a big argument about it. I told him why I don’t like that word and that I think it is a sign of disrespect that he would say it in front of me knowing that I don’t like it. He told me why he felt that it was a word that I should not be offended by. After about half an hour of arguing I simply wanted to change the subject. In the end, I felt that sustaining our relationship was more important than getting in an argument about a word. However, I am glad that I said my feelings about the subject and wasn’t passive. In this case, I felt that honesty was the best policy, and I did this without attacking him or insulting him.
“The glass is half full.” I am constantly telling myself that. Even as I was growing up my father always told me, “Shannon, your life is just a bowl full of cherries.” This is an approach I try to use in conversation also. I try use positive valence in conversation. My friend, Emily, has been going through a hard time lately and on Wednesday someone pulled out in front of her and wrecked her brand new car. When I talked to her I was very encouraging and supportive, rather than simply insulting her current situation.
I am a people pleasing, charming, honest, positive, person. This paper helped me to realize the methods I use when with different people. My strategies and goals will change somewhat over time, hopefully for the better.
