Dreams/Goals

So, today I chatted with my old roommate, Emily, who I used to be pretty close to. She informed me that she is now living in New York City, working as a nanny, broke as could be, but has never been happier. It got me thinking about how I always knew that was her dream. Just to live up there for a while.

After hearing about her making her dream come true, I can't help but think about what my dreams are. I don't think I have taken the time to sit down and write them all out for quite some time. Of course this list has changed many times, and will continue to do so.

• Go to Ireland.
• Go skydiving.
• Fall in love.
• Learn to play golf.
• Change someone's life (for the better).
• Take a cooking class.
• Honor God with my life.
• Become a wife.
• Get onstage at a concert.
• Become a mom.
• Own a house.

That's as far as I have gotten. Is that bad? I think I need help thinking about what goals I should have. Maybe I just need time.

Things I've done:

• Ride in a parade.
• Get a Mini Cooper S.
• Learn how to drive a standard.
• Graduate from college.
• Live on my own.
• Live somewhere random during the summer.
• Go on mission trips.
• Be a youth leader.
• Help to launch a church.

Well. I think it is time that I start a LONG list of things I want to do before I die... and start crossing them off. I'm sure there will be plenty of time to add new ones and check them off, but there's no better time to start. 

How I Show Myself Paper

I was going through a bunch of stuff on my external hard drive from college today and found this paper. I thought some might find it amusing, but mostly I think it is just funny the things we see in ourselves and hope that other see in us as well.

How Do I Show Myself?

Like most people, I desire to be liked by everyone. I want to be seen as charming, caring, warm, honest, and humorous. However, I have never had to think about what my goals are in my self presentation, nor have I been forced to observe my self disclosure strategies. So writing this paper has been somewhat of a challenge.

Although I want to be viewed in a positive light by all different people, I present myself in different ways depending on the audience and situation, all the while being conscious of appearing genuine and not fake. Sometimes this can be a difficult challenge, but I have found that it is not difficult when I simply use my presentational goals according to my audience.

Many of my presentational goals are the same regardless of whom my audience consists of. I want to be seen as passionate, morally strong, confident, attractive, outgoing, ambitious, accepting, nonjudgmental, and friendly. For example, everyday I spend about 10 minutes on my makeup and about 20 minutes drying and straightening my hair. The reason for this is so that people will find me attractive, or at least not finds me as unattractive. I use ingratiation most often in my self presentation. I also use exemplification when I treat others as I wish to be treated and try to be an example to everyone around me.

When I am around my boss or my teacher I am quiet in efforts to show that I am respectful. If I am meeting my parents’ friends for the first time one of my goals is to be seen as mature, polite, and responsible. My goal is to appear in such a way that I would neither embarrass myself nor my parents; I want to impress the person to whom I am speaking.

My self presentation goals are quite different when I am with my friends. I want my friends to see me as someone they can depend on to listen to them when they need to talk, have fun with, and someone they look forward to being with. My goals when I am with my friends are relational rather than instrumental as they might be when I am introduced to my parents’ friends. With my friends I am simply trying to create or sustain a connection.

When I am around strangers I want to be seen as polite, courteous, and outgoing. Last night I was at Denny’s writing this paper; around 1:00 or so I gathered my belongings and prepared to leave. Two gentlemen sitting in a booth next to me wearing t-shirts and oversized cowboy hats asked me if I was leaving already. I smiled and said that I was because it was late and I was tired. They asked me what I was working on, my major and conversational questions of this sort. I stood there and talked to them for a minute or two, and then they said that they noticed me and thought that I was very pretty. I smiled, said thank you, and said goodbye. Many people would probably brush off the complement and ignore the two men, but I wanted to talk to them. Our conversation was not very long, nor did we enclose details about ourselves, we did not even introduce ourselves properly, but it was a simple encounter where I was able to share some of my time and attention towards someone else.

Now that I have shared my self presentational goals, I will share the strategies I use when disclosing information about me. I will discuss my approach to honesty, valiance, and amount of disclosure.

My approach to honesty is tactical and thoughtful. I am a very honest person, I hardly ever lie, and I don’t like liars. I am also very compassionate and very much so a mediator. I want the truth to come out while also being conscious of offending someone. My passion is something which has to be restrained sometimes so that I will not offend anyone. A few weeks ago a guy that I was dating and I were hanging out and he said the “n” word. This word is something I am so offended by. No, it is not directed to me personally, but I am offended by what it has done. The first time he said it I said, “Ugh, I hate that word,” in a very passive tone. A few nights later he said it again and I responded, “Paul, I told you that I don’t like that word.” He and I got into a big argument about it. I told him why I don’t like that word and that I think it is a sign of disrespect that he would say it in front of me knowing that I don’t like it. He told me why he felt that it was a word that I should not be offended by. After about half an hour of arguing I simply wanted to change the subject. In the end, I felt that sustaining our relationship was more important than getting in an argument about a word. However, I am glad that I said my feelings about the subject and wasn’t passive. In this case, I felt that honesty was the best policy, and I did this without attacking him or insulting him.

“The glass is half full.” I am constantly telling myself that. Even as I was growing up my father always told me, “Shannon, your life is just a bowl full of cherries.” This is an approach I try to use in conversation also. I try use positive valence in conversation. My friend, Emily, has been going through a hard time lately and on Wednesday someone pulled out in front of her and wrecked her brand new car. When I talked to her I was very encouraging and supportive, rather than simply insulting her current situation.

I am a people pleasing, charming, honest, positive, person. This paper helped me to realize the methods I use when with different people. My strategies and goals will change somewhat over time, hopefully for the better.

The Laugh of All Laughs

I have been told that my laugh is one of the most distinct characteristics I possess.

A few weeks ago, at youth, two of the guys decided to make fun of my laugh. I am well aware that I have a loud laugh.

So what is it about my laugh exactly? if anyone can provide a sound bite of my laugh or someone who laughs sounds like mine I would be very appreciative.

Things that make me laugh: jokes, sarcasm, being with my youth, sometimes inappropriate comments/jokes, etc.

Someone Who Inspires Me:

Nicole is one of my youth kids. She's a junior in school and reminds me of myself so much (especially at that age).

Pretty much since day one she and I have gotten along fabulously well. Except one time when she and a couple of other youth decided they want to play match-maker with me and another guy... but I digress....

I'm not going to sit here and write all about how fantastic she is and all that (because I could go on for days and days on how great she is). But I do want to talk about how she inspires me.

A few months ago I had a huge falling out with someone very close to me. Ironically, that same night she posted a video to my wall. "SHANNNNNONNN!! Can you come back to Little Rock now? Ok, thanks..." I literally cried when I watched this video. After a day of feeling like I'm the worst person in the world, she made me smile.

Even tonight, she worked on reconciling with one of her friends. Which therefore inspired me to do the same.

As a Christian, I know that I am supposed to live a life that honors God. But I think being close to my youth has been a strong reminder of WHY God has to be apparent in every aspect of our lives.

It's so funny to me that Nicole constantly says, "Thanks for being there" and stuff like that. She says it without even knowing how much of a blessing she is for me.

I'm so blessed. I am so blessed to be inspired by an amazing young woman.

Isn't It Nice To Know

So I was thinking about this Relient k song that says:

I found my new black shoes. While cleaning out the bones left in my closet. They were there with a bad excuse...

Isn't it nice to know that the lining is silver? Isn't it nice to know that we're golden?

To me, this song is a simple reminder of God's presence in our lives.

Last week I was reminded of his presence in a big way. Lately my sales haven't been where I need them to be. I have lots of projects in the works, but they just weren't closing. This is so frustrating when you have worked so hard, but it just hasn't hit. So the week before last I broke down. Cried and cried out to God.

And he came through.

Afterwards I felt so stupid for not crying out to him sooner. But it was so sweet just to know that He hears me. How amazing is that?!

So isn't it nice to know? I think so too.

Dreams

When you wake up, do you remember your dreams? I don't usually, however, last night I dreamed that I was trying out for cheerleading again in high school. It was like I was a senior and there were all these youngin's around and I knew i was a shoe in for a position, so i was just helping the others learn the cheers.

strangley, i wasn't that great of a cheerleader. haha.

So, lately I've been watching Glee (season 1) and it is probably one of the best shows ever made. No lie. Anyway, it seems like the show is always referencing to each person's dream. So it made me think, what's my dream?

• To honor God with my life. The good. The bad. The ugly. All of it to be used to his glory. That I could, one day, lead someone to Christ. That I can help others to learn to love Him more. (And that I would also learn to love Him more and more).
• To find love. One day I'm sure it will happen, but it hasn't happened for me yet. Sometimes this is very frustrating and I am impatient, but ultimately, I do believe that it will happen when it is right.
• Family. Yeah, even though I'm afraid of babies, it's what I want. Not anytime soon or anything like that, but just one day.
• A legacy. That reflects God and just makes people smile. Although I am constantly surprised that I am a "role model" I do hope that the good qualities I have may rub off on others.

And that's it. Sure it would be nice if my engagement/wedding/and any other jewelry came from a little blue box with "Tiffany's" across the top. Or was able to always have a BMW (or Mini) in the driveway for me. But ultimately, I just want to be blessed (not happy -which seems so temporary).

Well, like I said, I don't usually remember my dreams when I wake up, so maybe it's like I am still asleep. Maybe I'll realize that my dreams are my reality. And, I hope, the best is still yet to come.

FaithSpring

While I was a student in college I learned a lot about myself (which is part of the purpose of going away for college). I learned that even when I have a smaller room, it doesn't make it that much easier to keep clean; sometimes it is easier for me to get up extra early in the morning than to stay up late studying; I can pretty much make friends everywhere; and that being expected to be fully functional at 7:30 classes sucks.

One of the other things I learned was that when I go through a duration of time without doing some kind of ministry or being plugged in a church/christian organization makes me feel like I have a hole in my heart the size of Texas.

I grew up going to church every Sunday (no exceptions). It wasn't until I was in college that I even began wearing jeans to church. So when I was a student I became very involved with Campus Crusade for Christ. Cru was one of the largest student ministries at the University of Arkansas, and several of my friends from my freshman dorm became involved, and I just kind of fell into it. I went on mission trips, summer projects, and just about every retreat they had.

So when I graduated and moved back to Little Rock I expected to jump right in at my old church, Highland Valley United Methodist, to get that same warm fuzzy feeling. Well, that didn't exactly go as planned.

When I was 16 I became a member of HVUMC. My parents and I had visited the church and although they felt it was a little too contemporary for them, I loved it. Well, I loved the youth group. They were so awesome and so much fun and it felt just like a family.

Again, here I am, a college graduate about to begin my career and oh so very excited about attending my home church when I realized it wasn't the same as when I left for college. Not only did the church have a new minister (who was not able to give me the kind of challenge in my faith that I had become accustom to while away), but I was no longer a youth... so I didn't have the fellowship that I longed for. This lead to me spending about a year jumping from church to church in Little Rock, hoping to find that perfect fit. Then, I received a phone call...

Brock Patterson was the assistant minister at HVUMC and I adored him. His sermons were funny, relevant, and insightful. Brock called me in April 2009 and said that he has been given the responsibility of starting a new Methodist church and asked me if I would prayerfully consider being a part of his Launch Team. I immediately said that I was in. (I didn't need to pray about it. This was the answer to my prayers for so long!)

Today, FaithSpring is 18 months old. We have over 300 members and a wonderful fellowship. There aren't many young adults that attend the church, which is sometimes frustrating, but the people who are a part of this church family are amazing. Just when I think I can't say enough good things about the church I have to pause, take a breath, and then talk about the youth group.

I am so proud to be a youth leader for my church. More than that, I am so proud of the youth of FaithSpring! They are wonderful and bring so much light into my life!

Honestly, I could go on and on about them for a while, but I think I'm just going to have to leave that to another day's blog.